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Transforming negativity to positivity

November 21, 2008

At times i feel that i’m shrouded with negativity. especially from the people close to me, my family. I have learnt this.  how to not trust people. how to be fearful. there r things which we just pick up from our parents as they r our models when we r growing up. i jused to think that i was so similar to my mum in every way. but that was far from the truth i have realised over these years. in fact, i was nothing like her. ok maybe in some ways i have picked up positive traits from her. so what happened was i was TRYING to be like her without knowing of course. well trying to be in a certain way doesn’t actually make one become that. I tried to please her, behaving in ways she would approve of but it never worked. she was never satisfied with me. i think for a child to feel that he or she is not quite adequate comes as an immense blow to them. i felt that my life was hugely influenced by her in a negative way. i didn’t know that i was living under a shadow and my life seemed to be one without character. after all the endless soul searching, when i finally realise that i was not like her and that i was only TRYING to be like her, it really gave me the freedom. the freedom to finally be who i am. like a caged bird set free. well not totally free to do whatever i like but at least i know that i’m not bounded by her opinions and beliefs. and sometimes i go with her ways so that she doesn’t get upset. What i have realised is Having  a stronger sense of knowing who u are will gradually free u from all misidentifications which only bring suffering. and the Truth is that we r the pure Spirit. we r not this body, thoughts or emotions.

What i wanted to say is many a times when we feel negative is because we r too caught up with/identified with too many things which r not the truth. for example work. this is a huge one for me, i always feel not so happy at work. Everyone tells me i must enjoy my work so i try to but don’t really get much satisfaction from it. is like a dread to me. feel that i can’t face all the difficulties. yet sometimes i see everything as a game and is quite absurd that i’m feeling so negative. then at that point my world seems to shift and everything lightens up. well everything is still the same rite? only thing is perspective has changed and the shift of attention from outside to inside.

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