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Healing trauma dissolves karma

September 17, 2020

That’s my takeaway recently, that healing trauma dissolves karma. I feel i’m on a healing journey, not sure how it will turn out but i’m trying to be positive. Feels like so much internal clearing is going on within me these day, with the past being surfaced and lots of turbulent emotions coming up. Yesterday i thought of my grandmother which i usually don’t, and it occurred to me that whatever trauma i had faced in my childhood was faced by my own mother, and my grandmother, so it is like being passed down to me. I prayed for her soul to get rebirth (if she was still lingering around since was Hungry Ghost month) and to get her Self Realisation in her next life.

Healing is like coming to terms with your past and acknowledging that something happened which hurt you. After acknowledging it, we can forgive, let it go and start accepting our self for who we are. To acknowledge that the hurt is beyond your control, it really frees all the feeling of guilt that we may have been feeling, that there was something wrong about ourselves. All the false beliefs we have accepted as truth for ourselves weakens and now needs to be reexamined and finally it will be let go for good. It is a vulnerable process and one will need a lot of courage to face yourself. Many would say why do you have to think about the past, just focus on the future. I wouldn’t say is to keep thinking about it but to resolve it. We have suppressed the hurt (trauma) for too long, burying it deep down where we think we wouldn’t ever have to deal with it, but it is still there, affecting you unconsciously and you maybe unknowingly inflicting that hurt upon others too, causing the karmic cycle to continue. Clearing the past opens up the possibility for a brand new future.

I already feel like something is opening up and seeing everything more clearly which brings me back to pondering about my life purpose.

Is a new dawn, is a new day, is a new life for me….and I’m feeling good!

Healing dysfunction

August 8, 2020

Is been a while since i wrote anything here, hopefully i can regularly post some blogposts here as a form of therapy for myself, clarifying my thoughts and sharing my suppressed feelings.

Well is not new to me that there’s something wrong with me, a feeling which i always felt since young. Last year i found out that i was traumatised as a child and this year since starting my Social Work studies after studying families, see myself as a byproduct of a dysfunctional family.

Stepping outside of my comfort zone is quite painful and the body resists in every way to go back to its status quo eg. I have been feeling the stress response in my body since my course started. Studying an academic course again triggers painful childhood and adolescent experiences that i had with school and peers. However this time not changing is not an option anymore, as i also feel the pain of staying stuck in undesirable conditions, like not having much motivation for what i do, feeling frustration at not being able to overcome my negative tendencies and feeling disconnected from others to name a few. I can only try to manage my stress, with meditation, with reframing my perspective and to seek some loving support from myself aka Self Love and from others.

Free from the past

February 9, 2019

Attachments and desires are the cause of sufferings.

Attached love is not real love, requiring the other person to behave in certain ways that will make us happy. Even after knowing someone or something is not good for you but not able to give it up. Caught up in the cycle of misery. Everything is but a myth, false expectations and false hope. Holding people to a standard and never expecting them to change.

Once we finally free ourselves from this bondage of the past by forgiving, letting go of the hurts and disappointments then can we see the beauty of the present where everything is possible to create. Creating a beautiful future from nothing, free from the past.

I’m fine the way I am

January 8, 2019


7101699485_efa2feb157_z‘I’m fine the way I am‘. That’s the realisation i came to one recent morning when my world seems to be saying the opposite and not allowing me to let it be. I wouldn’t say it is a justification for the way i behave. By accepting myself first for who i am, i feel free from all the burdens, expectations and guilt that i’m carrying and allows the opening for any improvement works to be done later.

The relationship with my mother affects me tremendously these days, i see myself becoming unrecognisable: Reactive and angry then feeling anxious and depressed. It’s hard to explain to people why i’m this way. Why am i not being a good daughter?


When i’m by myself, i feel calm, peaceful and at One with everything. When i start interacting with my environment, i’m affected by my mum’s expecations and ideas of how i should behave. Feeling fed up and losing myself, the only way forward is to strengthen my own self identity. What are my values? This is the time i feel that i need to be extremely clear about myself and no more ambiguity and floating about all my life. Overcoming my self esteem issues is one of my life’s lesson and that sees me returning to do some blogging in 2019.



Back to reality 2017

January 11, 2017


JpegStepping back into the same workplace after 8 months of rest, all seems familiar again, the surroundings, the people and the pressure which is quickly creeping in. Arrggh…the feeling which i use to dread so much. After feeling so peaceful for so long, i don’t think i can go back to this reality. Reality of harshness where people only focus on accomplishing their goals, plan relentlessly for programs, taking on too much work, rushing non stop. I felt my heart closing up and spirit dying,  Made me realise how peace and balance is so much valuable and important to me. In the pursuit of success at work, unrealistic elements such as love, understanding, helping one another are neglected and unprioritised.


Break of Dawn

February 13, 2016

20130818_071125After a hiatus of few months, i’m starting to wake up early in the morning again for meditation. The motivation came from wanting to develop better sleep patterns and also from the energy of the new year of the monkey.

Previously i tried waking at 4am for few weeks. I would go back to sleep again after meditation, however my mum found out one day that i was waking up so early and showed me her disapproval. After that i stopped and it is now a few months later that i’m trying to get back to it again. This time i’m waking at 5am instead and not going back to bed afterwards, but trying to do things which i would do at night. The good thing is there is plenty of time in the morning to do whatever and i am not rushed at all. I found myself being early for work much to surprise of my colleagues.

According to Traditional Chinese medicine, there are timings for going about our daily activities for optimum health and for sleep it is best to be asleep by 11pm. After few days of waking early, i feel my energy levels are better in general however there would be feelings of tiredness earlier in the day. That’s where the afternoon nap comes into play, which will provide the sustenance of energy throughout the day. However in Singapore, there is no culture for afternoon siestas so i may need to sneak a short one in during lunchtime. Usually I would overstimulate myself at night and not want to sleep even though i was tired, only dragging myself to sleep after 12. Now it is like automatic, i would feel like sleeping early as the sleepiness comes quite early and more strongly. Already my mum is like criticising me, let’s hope i can continue until it forms into a habit.

Break of Dawn

Break of Dawn…


Birds are chirping everywhere

Let the fresh dew embrace you

Sleepy Head is time to awake

Sit down to meditate


Break of Dawn…


Mother Earth will take away your pains

Renew your being

Feel the cool breeze running through your hands


Break of Dawn…


Feel the silence and the peace

No one to disturb you

Just God and me

No desires, make me whole, make me free


Break of Dawn…




A Prayer to the Mother Goddess

October 19, 2015

Mother, thank you for awakening our kundalini power and giving us Self Realisation. This power is so comforting, so nurturing, so generous, so loving and so complete.

Thank you for giving us all the beautiful qualities and powers in us, and working so hard for us.

Mother, please awaken all the powers which are still dormant within us.

Mother, please keep us in the state of shraddha-enlightened faith and in nirvichara -thoughtless awareness, so that we become proper instruments of your powers.

Mother, we completely surrender to you. Please lift us higher and higher, away from all the things that are against the Spirit. Our only desire is to be absolutely One with the Spirit.

18th Oct 2015, 6th day of Navaratri

Lifting the Human Condition

April 13, 2015

Temple of Heaven

Temple of Heaven

Travelling exposes us to different cultures and lifestyles. Coming back from a trip, i feel the lifestyle in another country is different, but basically we humans are still the same, seeking for the same things.

We have come a long way. The fight for human rights has given us dignity to live without discrimination. How long more are we going to be denied of our birthright for achieving the ultimate? To know our own glory. The inner revolution is here! We are treading on a war path, the enemies are not without but within. We need to arm ourselves with the weapons of faith and forgiveness. Going forth with the zeal of a warrior yet at the same time having the sensitivity of an artist. This is a different battle altogether. This is a battle to lift the human condition, from darkness into light.

What are you seeking?

December 26, 2014

2014-04-14 20.06.44

How do you know the meaning of your life when you are not connected to the power that created you?

With so many terrible things going on, things are not very certain anymore, all types of diseases and disasters await us, it seems we will be finished tomorrow.

Instead of decoding the universe, why don’t we try to decode ourselves first? To see heaven in a wildflower, likewise humans are created in the image of the Divine and we should try to know our self. We don’t know ourselves. We look for all the answers outside not knowing that there is already a system inbuilt within us which can give us the solution to everything. Only thing is to activate that system, and that requires the meeting with a Self – Realised person who holds the key to that ignition.

“You are seeking, definitely. Perhaps you do not know what you are seeking, but one thing is definite, you are not satisfied with things as they are. There is something beyond, which you have to seek. There is something beyond, no doubt, which has been told to you by all the prophets, by all the scriptures, by all the incarnations who came on this earth. It has been promised also that
you will be judged one day. But the first judgement will be your own. You yourself will decide whether you are seeking the Divine, or some frivolous things. If you are seeking the Reality and the Truth, then only you are going to be chosen, then only you are going to be the citizen of God’s Kingdom.”

~Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi

Living in Myth

July 16, 2014

Living in Myth

Stuck in the head,
thoughts coming from don’t know where and everywhere,
telling me to be somebody who I’m not.
Following the crowd so I’m not left out.
Chasing dreams of success,
so I can be proud of myself and be better than everyone else.
Disappointed when my expectations are not met,
growing old with regret.
Angry with life.
Why did life treat me so bad?
Modern superstitions,
lack of meaning in our behaviour,
values and morals waylaid but it doesn’t matter.
Playing it too safe,
daily monotony at its best,
stagnant and weary,
rigid like the rock of Gibraltar.
Blinded by our experiences,
leading us down a dead end,
unable to see the solutions,
wallowing in pain,
there is always someone to blame.
Future of uncertainty,
questions of our culture and identity,
where do we go from here?
Going from one extreme to the other,
either cowardice or aggressive,
how do we come to the centre?
Let go of all identifications,
ending our own frustrations,
be silent and still, be silent and still, be silent and still.
Be One with the Tao.